2nd March 2018
I won’t ever break his heart again. Joke’s on me. He broke mine.
9th April 2018
We’re holding on to the pain
because that’s all we have left
– Chuck Bass
15th April 2018
I jumped head over heels into something to escape. It’s not fair to anyone but we all know that. Do I deserve to be cleared off my fear if I recklessly look for attention somewhere else once I use it with someone? I am simply pathetic. I wonder if people feel it when they meet me. I think this is why I push others away. I don’t want them to push me away so I do it first.
19th April 2018
I heard that when you sleep too little, you’re likely to die sooner. Why do I feel more alive after only three hours of sleep? I don’t like sleeping so much. I go to sleep hoping it’ll be better the next day. But when I wake up, it’s still the same old, same old, just with another date on it.
27th April 2018
I used to think that with every fight, we’d make up again. This time it’s definite. I wish I’d known the last time was going to be the last time. I would’ve held onto you a little longer. Now it just feels like there’s a limb missing.
3rd April 2018
We chase after those we can’t have
We wait to become addicted
as we run out of things to hold onto
so we chase and chase and run and seek
boys chasing girls chasing girls chasing boys
14th April 2018
I used to feel fine being on my own. And I still do. But it’s obviously a difference to be left alone. That’s where the loneliness kicks in. I used to think I knew heartbreak. Turns out this was the real deal of heartbreak. It sucks the life out of you.
17th April 2018
My chance was gone. I fucked it up when I had you. Traded her for freedom, traded you for jealousy and regret. I wish I could turn back time. But would it have made a difference?
20th April 2018
I’m trying hard not to compare myself.
25th April 2018
How do I flick my heart back together on my own? You haven’t even called to check how I’m doing. I wonder if it’s your pride that’s keeping you from reaching out or whether you really couldn’t care less about me.
7th April 2018
It’s no use in holding onto love
when you’re the one giving it
unable to expect it to be given back
It’s no use pretending
that they’re in love with you too
when all they do is a contradiction
to whatever leaves their mouth when they speak
It’s no use staying in place
when you’re the one pulling
on somebody already far gone
17th April 2018
I got myself in a position where, no matter where I look, I am hurting. It’s getting too much. How do I disappear without dying? I blast music to get you out of my head but I can’t really escape my mind.
23rd April 2018
I think I feel a tiny little bit better. Maybe because I’ve accepted the fact that it’ll hurt for a while. I don’t think anything can shock me anymore.
It’s good to keep the beautiful, pure, lovely memories in mind. But they don’t cancel out the bad, painful ones. For some reason, all I see at the moment are the good times we’ve had. I think this is what you’d call denial.
29th April 2018
You are slowly starting to slip my mind these days. Because of all the distractions I force myself into. Things have become complicated again which only means that life goes on.
I try to forget but you’re buried in my whole being. It’s hard to ignore you if you’ve taken in my whole heart and brain. I hope I’ll feel better. I don’t think I can do much longer.
It’s been a month since you decided to leave but why do I feel like it’s been 10 years in which I’ve been missing you over and over and over again? Does this ever stop?
I wonder whether, deep down, you miss me. I really hope you do. Then I wouldn’t be the only one dreading moonlight.
30th April 2018
Feel like I still have a mountain to climb. I just have to mourn whatever there is left to mourn about and accept that it is how it is. Even when I don’t understand why it has to be this way.
I sincerely hope you’re not hurting. Because I’m hurting, hurting, hurting, and this feels like dying all over again. I wouldn’t wish it on you. Because even though you don’t care about me anymore, I can’t not care about you.