I step out of the lecture hall mid-day with my backpack weighing down on my right shoulder. With each step downstairs I go through some kind of mental mapping as I realise that I’ve just stepped out of the last lecture I’d have, forever.
What a weird feeling.
I’m still in college until next spring but the next semester solely consists of an internship of four months, then two months of writing my bachelor thesis. I’m barely going to see anyone else here again. This was it. No attendance lists, no lectures, no seminars.
After studying for this semester’s finals, it’ll be it. I still remember when I graduated from high school, pressured to figure out what I want in life, where to study, what to study. I picked Tourism and Event Management one day and applied for college, hoping that it would be the one thing that I would enjoy studying. (Originally I wanted to study English literature or Criminology, even move to England for it but plans change, I guess.) It turned out alright, actually, pretty great.
I can totally see myself in Marketing, for some travel agency, or even hustling at events keeping it all together. I’ve met some of the best people I’d ever meet. I learned a bunch about myself, even if it wasn’t solely college that taught me it. I learned to set priorities and I grew much more responsible with every aspect of life, living on my own and taking care of all the finances, also working part-time.
In this time, I self-published two anthologies of my prose and poetry. I’ve been blogging away each and every week, went through life as anyone would. I met girls and boys whom I grew to love and un-love, learned my lessons of heartbreak and to unwillingly break other people’s hearts. I’ve listened to new music and was exposed to various lifestyles by other individuals thriving in this town of ours, chasing life, collecting memories.
But even now, after all that, I’m unsure.
I have other plans than to just dive into work and step into definite territory. First, I want to breathe this freedom for a little bit longer. There are other plans. But I won’t tell you about them just yet.
I’m looking ahead, I’m looking ahead. Fearful yet fearless. Excited and terrified all the same.